Research In Action

I recently went through training in One Kind Word alongside my CIRP@CHOP co-workers. One Kind Word is a trauma-informed papproach to changing people’s attitudes about stepping in to help parents and children struggling in public. At its core, it teaches folks to positively intervene when they see a parent-child conflict in a way that is helpful and supportive to both parent and child. It actually sounds harder than it really is-- as I learned just hours after my training.

As I approached the subway entrance near our office, I saw (and heard) a mom with two young boys crossing in the middle of the block. You could hear the youngest (maybe 3 years old) screaming and crying his eyes out, struggling against Mom as she hustled them across the street.

I just knew she was headed to the same subway platform as me. My anxiety level shot up. I was just trained to do something about this! Could I act? I had just learned the following One Kind Word steps:

1. Stop and Recognize that this is a situation where you might be able to help. Is the parent overwhelmed, preoccupied, angry?

The old Suzanne might have been more judgmental towards the mom— seen her as a physically aggressive parent crossing with her kids in the middle of Market Street (rather than at the intersection!). With my new training, I reframed my thoughts: This mom could be overwhelmed by the tantrum and very angry. Maybe they just came from the nearby doctor’s office, and the boy is upset from being poked and prodded. Maybe she is really late getting to her job, and he’s slowing her down.

2. Take a moment and get ready to step in. Do whatever you need to do to remain calm, such as a take deep breath, or smile, or think about what you might say.

I arrived at the platform a couple minutes ahead of the family and thought about what I had learned earlier that day. I could hear the screaming getting closer, coming through the turnstile and down the steps. The others on the platform looked up towards the noise and shrunk into themselves, dreading bearing witness to a potential parent-child conflict.

3. And then try one kind word or gesture by connecting with or distracting or assisting the child or parent.

The boy’s distress and noise level did not lessen on the platform. He was pulling away from his mom, who was struggling to hold on to his hand. She brandished a fist in frustration.

Although her son didn’t see the fist, I decided it was time to act and try One Kind Word. “Boy, is he having a bad day," I said and smiled at her. Mom raised her eyebrows in agreement and said, “You have no idea.” Her body language visibly relaxed while the others winked and nodded in empathy.

While the boy did continue to scream, Mom’s anger and embarrassment seemed to dissipate. It was that simple. Everybody on that platform felt better, including me. Hopefully, this one kind word helped Mom cope later and not make good on that fist.

The training currently underway across CHOP is mostly focused on helping our clinicians perform trauma-informed care as part of their daily practice. One Kind Word is another tool for their clinical practice and is useful for all hospital staff that interact with patient families. As this anecdote demonstrates, these tools can also be used in the community by anyone looking to make our world a little less stressful, a little less violent.

I first heard about this program at a CHOP forum on Youth Violence and blogged about its potential in 2014. Through the Violence Prevention Initiative, we now have members of our CIRP@CHOP team trained to deliver One Kind Word training to CHOP employees during the next year. Thanks to my CIRP@CHOP colleagues, who trained their own Center’s co-workers first, I was able to help a mom just when she needed a little more empathy and a little less judgement.